Monday, November 10, 2008

Resolved Question: Is this the most harsh review of an album ever?

This is a review of Limp Bizkit's album "Significant Other" by some dude on an albums reviewing site. "This is the band that all the "cool" kids in the early years of highschool were into, along with fellow posers Linkin Park. All those stupid fools wearing baggy pants with the crotch part down to their knees, with those key chains or whatever they're called hanging out of their side pockets, wearing their stupid baseball caps, imitating their talentless idol Fred Durst. Those people who thought that Blink 182 and Good Charlotte were good punk bands. Y'know, the people who would sacrifice their education, and hence, their future, in favour of running after a ball in a field and dedicating their lives to some stupid teenage fad like skateboarding, which would last around 4 years, and following stupid fads like nu-metal, all to make some fat, bald, CEO, who would fit their definition of "uncool", rich. Now, back then, I wasn't really into contemporary music. And looking back now, I can understand why. With talentless hacks like Limp Biscuit (notice how bad their name looks when you spell it correctly) infecting the radiowaves with their tuneless drivel, it's no wonder I didn't find it appealing. Of course, back then, I wasn't aware of real bands like Iron Maiden and Hypocrisy and the only good music I could find was classical and videogame OSTs. This all made me feel that I was somehow "abnormal". I mean, how could so many of my classmates be wrong about bands like this? It all made me feel as if there was something wrong with me. But now, having listened to this talentless drivel, I know that there certainly wasn't. In fact, I now know that I was the only normal one there, and it was everyone else that had the problem for liking this load of feces. OK, perhaps I should explain why anyone who knows the slightest bit about music would realise that this is one of the worst albums ever made. My first problem is that the whole album is completely devoid of hooks and melody. Even the singles "Nookie" and "Break Stuff", which are widely regarded as the album's best songs, have no hooks in them. The only way to explain how these sold is marketing. For example, Limp Biscuit used to have to pay radio stations to play their singles (which also makes them some of the biggest hypocrites ever, considering there is a hidden track on this album called "Radio Sucks". Way to bite the hand that feeds you). There is absolutely nothing catchy about these singles. They have absolutely no melody whatsoever. Even I could have written better music when I was 12. The only way to explain their success is their mass exposure. Now, when an album has no melody and no hooks, it must contain some redeeming factors. Some examples are: speed, brutality, complex instrumental work, good beat, meaningful lyrics. Limp Biscuit has none of these. Instead, we get an amateur guitarist who can barely play 3 chords (hell, just listen to Break Stuff), a talentless drummer who sounds like a five year old beating the drums with no sense of speed or rhythm, a bassist who's lack of talent is hidden under the annoying, completely unnecessary, scratching of the DJ. And to top it off, some of the worst rapping and singing I have ever heard, and the most immature, meaningless, inane lyrics I have ever seen, courtesy of the worst frontman in rock 'n roll history - none other than the talentless Fred Durst. Here are some samples of Fred Durst's lyrical genius: "I did it all for the nookie, come on the nookie, come on so you can take that cookie and stick it up your(yea)" - Nookie "it's just one of those days where you don't wanna wake up everything is f****d everybody sux you don't really know why but you wanna justify rippin someone's head off. no human contact and if you interact, your life is on contract your best best is to stay awake m**********r it's just one of those days!!" - Break Stuff What is the meaning of these lyrics? It means that the standards of modern commercial music are so low that anyone reading this review could become a multi-millionaire in the music business. There is absolutely no clear rhyming pattern in any of their lyrics, and yes, they sound just as awkward when Fred Durst "raps". Speaking of the rapping, Fred Durst has got to be one of the worst rappers I have ever heard. He barely even makes an effort to stay on beat; the only good rapping on this CD comes from Method Man who features on "N 2 Gether Now". Plus his singing is karaoke at best. Fred Durst reminds me of the line from Eminem's diss against Everlast, "Quitter" - "He can't rap or sing, but he wants to do both". Although it was directed at Everlast, I think it perfectly describes Fred Durst. Many people think Limp Biscuit's early albums, including this one, are actually worth listening to. Having listened to it, I cannot understand how anyone could have liked it in the first place. The fact that this band has sold millions of re *records speaks volumes about the sad state of the music industry these days. I cannot understand how anyone who has listened to a decent amount of rock music, even other nu-metal bands, could consider this a good album. Oh I agree with the review don't get me wrong, it's a great review lol

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